Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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