Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
