I just pynch a tree in the face
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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