you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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