I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
