four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize