I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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