She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
