He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
