Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
