If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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