I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize