I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
