cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
