And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize