Buhtt sex?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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