there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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