Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
