At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
