Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
