I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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