I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
this hospital has no fireball
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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