why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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