As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
