i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
