I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
