Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
