There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
