:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
