we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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