I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize