the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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