mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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