I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
