theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
