i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
