he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
