FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize