no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
