I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
