I think my vagina is haunted
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize