I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
