Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
