Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
