I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
