great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
