the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
