Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
