the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
