Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
