i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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