I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
