I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
