Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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