you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
