Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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