I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
