Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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