You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
