JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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