New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I could fuck to npr.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
