I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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