How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
