My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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