Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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