I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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