it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
no you cant smoke seaweed
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
