I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
