My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
