yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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