Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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