Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
