I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
