Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
