she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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