Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
