I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
