This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
