u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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