90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
