dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
