OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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