I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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