Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize