so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
