Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
