Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Randomize
