I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize