Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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