you thought your balls were fighting each other...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
