I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
