i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
