Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize