I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
