I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
