ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
