My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
