Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
