If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
