pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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