I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
